Fear of not being good enough


Fear of failing

I have always noticed that I tend to start have a rush of thoughts when I think about the future.  The future involves starting a career, settling down, being in a relationship, earning money – and when I say earning money, I mean having a health care fund and insurance rather than living off a weekly pay check with my last $9 going towards a pack of lamingtons.
I have no idea where to even start when it comes to making responsible decisions about insurance, health care funds, assets, do I need to write a Will?

I, Dakota Caitlin Ellington, leave my entire life collection to…
Sorry to whatever lucky bastard this will be but my entire life collection is a sum of impulsive decisions, regret and embarrassing photos.  I don’t even have a loving pet.
I know it sounds melodramatic and I know I will eventually get my shit sorted, but when?

My biggest dream would be to dedicate my education, knowledge and skills to people who need it.  I want to be a voice for others who are fighting for their life from the environmental burden this world has created, or animals that are constantly treated poorly.  But what if I don’t? Atelophobia.
I want to be a loving person with a big heart, and have someone to be that person to. But what if I don’t? Atelophobia.  I’m petrified of never being good enough for someone.
I want to be able to be financially stable but I have made the decision to not work in the biggest economic industry in Australia – and I struggle daily with funds. I’m nearly 25 years old and living off my weekly bank account – barely. 

Truth is, I don’t know how to get my shit sorted. So what is Atelophobia to me?
Fear of failing, myself.  I’m scared to be a disappointment to others, but mostly, myself.  I always ask; If I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with the person I am, or the position I am in. That question is what has lead me to make changes in my life. That question is what lead me to make career changes in my life, and that same question is what will help me decide what risks to take for the rest of my life.

I look around and see people that have travelled, own businesses, are soaring through their career but I have had this same conversation with them that I have had myself, they’re still scared of the future.  To me they’re some of the best people I know and I have watched them grow in different ways than I have myself. I’m proud of them and hope I can be even half the person they have achieved to be.

In a world of successful younger generations, high expectations of hard working older people and political shit storms, I think it is safe to say we have to give ourselves a break.  I’m surrounded by the same conversations with people that I have with myself.
Everyone is scared of disappointment, everyone is worried they won’t make it in life to where they want to go and we have all had some wild run with a bad life experience. The disappointments that you feel will give you doubt, but to someone else you will be their motivation.

 So how about we try something new..

Stop, look around, and realise it is the blind leading the blind.

You’re doing alright.   


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s