I’ve lived in a few different towns. No matter whether it is a city or small village, there will be cliques, micro management, reputations, intimidation and fucking cowards.
An advantage of being a quiet person, is we watch. A lot. I’m someone who hears people talk, will remain weary, but will give anyone a fair go before I make any judgement. I would hope that’s how people would treat me.
Everyone has their own style, characteristics and personality but what will be shown to the public will usually be what they want you to see. For example, I like to get from A to B without trouble, some people have seen me walking and thought I looked like a snobby bitch. I admit my resting bitch face isn’t the most welcoming and I don’t like awkward conversation. Now, I’m fine with people thinking that. To me, it can be exhausting being around people, which might sound rude but as the name indicates I’m introverted. The truth about the person I am (and this is coming from someone who thought the above) – I’m chilled, not a snobby bitch, just a very quiet person who doesn’t let a lot of people get to know her.
When I have resting bitch face I’m generally concentrating on something, might be important but will most likely be day dreaming. My mind wanders easily and I don’t realise the impression people are looking at.
Sometimes the people that scream #fitlife #summerbody #cardio are hidden up in a room with a pipe more often than they are at the gym (controversial, but fact). Airlie Beach has an extremely dark side to the coastal happiness. Throughout the public they are the free spirited, easy go lucky summer child. The wild partier that can always bring fun to the table but behind closed doors, be a danger to themselves. A face of beautiful makeup won’t always look pretty with a nasty comment rolling off the lipstick shade. The loving couple wandering down the street may consist of two people that are more alone with no connection.
And more often than once, the role is reversed. Someone with a bad reputation may not show themselves because they know it is easier for the public to believe the worse and question the good.
I have heard lots of different stories about people around town. I have watched as those people have gotten defensive or wore it on their shoulder. How I act towards someone has nothing to do with rumours that are spread, because unless I trust you, I won’t take into consideration what is said.
People will always notice those who stand alone, rather than in a crowd. It is easier to talk about someone amongst your group of friends when fearing that the person alone may be a better person than yourself. If you walk around trying to tarnish someone’s image that doesn’t say much about them, but a whole lot about you. Insecurity. Intimidation.
Sometimes the person you’re looking at and making assumptions about them is aware of exactly what you’re thinking. Boundaries might be pushed to amuse themselves with your judgement.
“Why should I change who I am just to make someone else feel comfortable? The people who say that I’m a bitch are the ones judging, and I don’t see them coming and saying hello while I’m just keeping to my own business, comfortable and content with myself. I am not a snob, I smile at strangers, but because of my image, people think I’m stuck up. Would they still think that if I was ‘average’ looking and didn’t take pride in my appearance?”
This lady has a point. Image will always indicate what people will think of you. I know I like to dress up, but some days I couldn’t care to brush my hair and might not wear the most polished clothes and those are the days I won’t be approached to sit in a fancy restaurant by the matre di. I’ve been a waitress; I know who your manager wants in the restaurant for their ‘look’.
What if a reputation is so tarnished it cannot be defended? Is there any point to defend yourself? Would people believe what you had to say? – Most likely no.
“What is the point of trying to defend myself. I can’t. No one will come up to me and ask for the truth because they’re scared. Apparently I’m a psycho”
What is the worst you’ve heard about yourself? Some of the worst I’ve heard about myself is being accused of sleeping with someone’s boyfriend, encouraging breakups, being a disrespectful person. I’m sure other things have been said about me that I may not know about.
I have never slept with someone’s boyfriend intentionally, however five years ago I made the mistake of being mixed up in the feelings of false lust but I was never the choice. Believe me when I say, if you’re the option, you will never be the choice. There are a lot of liars in the big bad world. That was one lesson I learnt quite young and naïve, but also an experience I made myself forget about until now I guess. And it fucking sucks to admit it. I will never be in that situation again. I don’t encourage breakups unless my best friend is in a toxic relationship and I really hope I am not a disrespectful person. I try to never be disrespectful. If I have a problem with someone, then usually they aren’t on my radar. Intelligence ignores.
“I know people are thinking I got to where I am through dirty money”
“I have heard I raped someone, I have heard I put someone in hospital, I have heard I put a gun to someone. None of it is true.”
“No one knows the reason I got like this, I felt vulnerable, fitness was my rehabilitation, they just see the now. Fractured skull and 3 brain bleeds, I was in intensive care, couldn’t walk. No one knows I train a kid with Autism, no one sees the good. I would do anything for people I care about.”
Unfortunately, it is human nature for people to want to tell their closest friend, ‘something they heard’ about another person.
‘Promise not to tell anyone?’…. ‘Sure.’
One degree of separation later, another closest friend.
‘Promise not to tell anyone?’…. ‘Sure.’
Vicious cycle of trust, don’t you think?
And then there are Chinese whispers about what people see around town, heard from one mouth to another and some swearing they saw everything. Or so a friend of a friend reckons.
When you’re the topic of the town it is hard to ignore people staring, turning away or yelling out smart arse comments. So what thoughts are going through their mind when that happens.
“It hurts, it’s frustrating, I can’t bring it up. No one will say anything to my face and I can’t set the story straight.”
Of course it is going to be hard not to react. How long can anyone ignore being spoken about before it’s provocation, especially if the rumour is a result of wrong accusation
Somebody else’s opinion of you, isn’t any of your business.
How do we figure out the truth from the rumours? We stop judging. We keep our eyes open, our ears alert and our mind sharp. Learn to read people and reactions. If you’re someone that forgives, be one that never forgets. We will never all be friends, but just try make it your own judgement and ideas rather than from false allegations.